StPatrick'sDaypinchophobia

Dear Reader,

I have an acute case of StPatrick'sDaypinchophobia.

It all began about 15 years ago. I was living in Venezuela at the time, going to school at Colegio Internacional de Carabobo (CIC), a private international school that had a surprising amount of not-international students (aka rich Venezuelans).

We had to wear uniforms. In the elementary school we wore navy blue bottoms and a white top. We had a badge sewn onto our shirts that had the name of the school and a palm tree. A green palm tree.

So I went to school my first St. Patrick's day at CIC, naive and unaware that although Venezuela doesn't really celebrate St. Patrick's day, the Venezuelans who attended CIC did. Ruthlessly.

I assumed that the GREEN palm tree on my shirt would protect me from the St. Patrick's day pinch. But, as I discovered the hard way, apparently the palm tree doesn't count. Seriously? Who comes up with these rules? It's green and I'm wearing it. Just saying.

But logic does not exist among first graders. I was pinched, and it hurt. Holding back tears I asked, "But why? WHY would you do this to me?"

"Because it's St. Patrick's day. The palm tree doesn't count. You wear it everyday," replied a little girl wearing green socks and green earrings.

And so began a day of terror and insecurity, all because of a stupid tradition and a stupid rule no one bothered to tell the new girl. I still maintain they just wanted to pinch the American.

The following years, in order to avoid reliving that horrible experience, my mom pinned a huge felt shamrock on my shirt. Classy? No. But it was like a forcefield against my classmates, so it served it's purpose.

So, moral of the story, I don't look forward to St. Patrick's day like most people. I throw on the one green-ish thing that I own (green really isn't my color) and if anyone even tries to pinch me, I take them out. Verbally or physically. I do not mess around when it comes to St. Patrick's day.

So don't even think about pinching me.

Of course, that being said, I hope you all have a wonderful, pinch-free St. Patrick's day! :)