Saturday, March 26, 2011

Man I wish I had a crystal ball.

Dear Reader,

I watched Eat, Pray, Love tonight and, as it always does, it got me thinking about life.

With the impending graduation (less than a month away) and no job prospects, no plans after BYU, I've been thinking a lot about my life and what on earth I am going to do with myself in it.

And it's terrifying.

I've spent so long in school that I don't even know how to function outside of it. For my whole life I always had a goal I was working towards, and now that I'm graduating I've reached the end of my planning. Now all that's left are transparent dreams and flimsy hopes that may or may not come true.

I'm just afraid of being stuck. I'm almost 23. Assuming that I live until I'm at least 75, I have 52 years left of my life to fill. How am I supposed to know what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life? And how do I avoid doing all the wrong things until I figure out what I am supposed to be doing?

I just don't want to live with regrets. I want to try everything, go everywhere, and, at all costs, avoid becoming stagnant.

Parents always tell their kids to dream big, that they can be anything they want to be. It's nice to know that we have a fan club of at least 2 people, but honestly, how many people actually aspire to what they end up doing for the rest of their life? Our society needs people to work the less-desirable jobs, but what if I end up as a barista at Starbucks, or a greeter at Walmart for the rest of my life? I couldn't live like that--unhappy and barely making enough money to pay the bills.

Ah, and this is where the root of our problem is: Money. Of course. What everyone hates and loves. It runs our lives. Let's put it this way, if I had endless amounts of money I wouldn't think twice about moving to London and attending pastry school for a year, or traveling to every country on my bucket list, or getting a masters degree in children's lit, or opening an animal shelter, or moving to Paris to learn French and get fat on pastries, or opening a bookstore that only sells children's books (all things I want to do, by the way. Except for the getting fat part. I just want to eat tons of pastries and lose weight at the same time. As long as I'm dreaming, right?).

But in reality I will probably move home for awhile. Hopefully find a job and move out of home. And be stuck.

Hence, why I must move to an interesting city. I think I wouldn't mind so much what I do for a job as long as I'm around people I like and have fun things to do (for free!).

DC, anyone?....


  1. Great post. I have no answers. But you have great questions.

    The redeeming fact is that most people (stuck or not) do end up reasonably happy.

    (And FWIW, I never liked being told I could be anything I wanted, either -- sorry to have burdened you with that...)

  2. Your fan club has at least 3 people in it. :)

    I can offer no more advice than your father. (Drat. I should be wiser than he. I'm older.)

    I will say that you probably aren't going to start doing a lot of 'wrong' things. As long as you're being involved in your life - be it work or play - you'll do just fine.